ArLyne's Diamonds

A running commentary of ideas

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Mediation - negotation

Lest you fail to realize it mediation is a form of negotiation. It is using a third party to help resolve disputes between two parties (or groups) who cannot amicably resolve things themselves.

The mediator does NOT force compromise. The mediator should not force decision. The mediator is there to help the parties move through the issues - including emotional ones - and hopefully come to some satisfactory resolution themselves.

Labels: , ,

Negotiation - Conflict Resolution - Doing what's right

Since I will be teaching Conflict Resolution for Stanford Continuing Education starting tomorrow night (Thursday, June 23rd) I sent out an e-mail blast to my list. I received the nastiest e-mail back from a woman stating that she thought all conflict resolution (especially that coming from a University like Stanford) was to compromise with the enemy (and she named several of her choice enemies.) I disagree.

Working out solutions to disagreements does not need to be a violation of principles. Sometimes the only negotiation - or resolution - is to decide to disagree. Compromise - something I've never considered a good solution (it is selecting grey when one side wants white and the other black) - a lose/lose solution for both, is not a goodthing when there is moral/ethical disagreement.

Everyone should know their values and principles. Remember my article The Tyranny of Pleasantness. It is often wrong to "go along to get along" and doing or saying the politically correct thing is most often the cowardly way to live your life.

On the other hand,one should know the difference between stubbornly holding on to a conviction and being morally justified.

Labels: , , , ,

Friday, June 17, 2011

Tyranny of Pleasantness

There's a chapter in my book, Conflict in the Workplace Causes and Cures that is called "The Tyranny of Pleasantness." I mention it now, because of a disagreement with my HOA about the use of our complex Yahoo group account. I strongly believe we should be able to communiate problems with each other, and a member of the board (actually the wife of an ex-board member) calls it "complaining" and things we shouldn't do it.

But, I posted a problem I was having asking if anyone else was having it, and got about ten replies of the same problem. That means it is complex-wide (we are only 81 units) and important for the HOA to deal with. They think it is individual problems.

My message here: It is important to communicate - to express issues - not bury them because you want to "go along to get along."

Read the chapter in my book. Better yet, read the book.

Labels: , , , ,

Monday, June 13, 2011

Capture Your Audience – Public Speaking

I recently spoke to the Civic Society at Santa Clara University about public speaking. To summarize:
• Give them a bucket into which they can put the information. The mind is like a filing cabinet and it needs to know where to store the information you are about to give them.
• Speaking is not the same as writing – people need to grasp what you are saying while you are saying it – so less is more – and repetition is important.
• Be real – be authentic – you need to find your own style of speaking while at the same time being prepared, relaxed, warm and engaging.
• Stories sell – dry facts put people to sleep. Anecdotal stories make the point.
• Be humorous, but don’t tell jokes (unless you are a comedian) or use jargon – you will surely be misunderstood and manage to insult at least one member of your audience.
• Power point is not your crutch – only use it when necessary – as in showing graphics, pictures, or talking with an audience that doesn’t speak your language well.
• Image and body language count – right or wrong, you are judged by your appearance.
• Never forget why you are there to speak – give them the information they want and need. They are your customer.

Labels: , ,

How to Raise an Entrepreneur

In another article in the Wall St. Journal (June 13th) Barbara Haislip interviewed some famous entrepreneurs to learn what experiences they had as children that enabled them to develop the skills necessary to become risk-taking successful entrepreneurs as adults.

Among those interviewed was Pierre Omidyar, the founder of eBay, who now has his own highly successful foundation. He discussed the importance of living in two quite different communities and learning: “Being exposed to and learning about these cultures taught me early on that there are different ways to think about any single situation, and that you don’t always have to do things the way they’ve always been done.”

Another article talked about teaching children how to expand their thinking capabilities, thus potentially raising their IQ. They created a game for the children that was actually a mental exercise that gave cues and puzzles to be solved – which according to the authors reduced squandering time on less short-term memory things than necessary such as irrelevant details. They say: “The children got better at separating the wheat from the chaff across a variety of different tasks” – according to John Jonides, a senior author on the paper, being quoted by Jonah Lehrer.

In my book, I have a chapter about teaching children how to resolve conflict. Basically, I ask parents to consider how they are depriving their children of learning opportunities by always acting as decision-makers and arbitrators.
Children need a vast variety of experiences in order to grow to be independent, creative and successful adults.

Labels: , ,

Is consensus always necessary?

There were some interesting articles in the Wall St. Journal this past week. One that really struck me was on Sunday, June 11th called “Life Lessons from the Car Guy.” This was from an interview with Bob Lutz, the former Chrysler and GM executive.

Mr. Lutz talks about his experience with four different CEOs at GM over a period of 16 months and notes that since GM had so many different product lines, it needed a CEO who would work with and respect the experience and decisions of its top leaders. It needed to find the right leaders for each division.

By contrast, Chrysler had one product: cars. Mr. Lutz talks about an autocratic leader at Chrysler and wonders “But, does the autocrat, no matter how gifted, create sustainable success? Or, does his style drive away other capable leaders who would form a leadership team after the great man’s departure?” Although he questions the sustainability of this approach, he does acknowledge: “… but if the purpose of leadership is to drive results, chalk up one major victory for the supremely skilled autocrat.”

Mr. Lutz contrasts this with what struck me as a mind-numbing, creativity destroying process of “thoroughly sharing … and showing respect for other people’s ‘emotional equity’” which created “stability, balance and equilibrium”.

This reminds me of the chapter in my Conflict Resolution book about “The Tyranny of Pleasantness.” When does being nice to others disintegrate into bad decisions?
Mr. Lutz goes on to talk about his desire to infuse everyone with love of perfection and customer delight in even the smallest details. This is what we try to teach in my course: Quality and Performance Excellence. As I read this, I remembered that I used to love driving Chryslers – but stopped buying them after the company was sold. They are now ordinary, think back though to the LeBaron convertible when it first came out – that was an example of exciting excellence –and I was a very satisfied customer.

Labels: , ,

Change Project Completed at Willow Glen Downtown Association

Speaking of negotiation, conflict resolution and change management, I just spent the last three months working with about 25 of the most interesting and dedicated people who are staff, board members, and committee members of the Willow Glen Downtown Association. We worked together to improve staff/committee relations, committee/board relations, communication, conflict among people with different priorities, and training and integration of the new incoming board.

Ultimately we created a half day visioning mini-charette inviting the 300+ members of their association to come and share their desires and needs for the future. We used the enormous amount of data obtained at that event to create the strategic plan for the future. The draft strategic plan was developed at the Board Retreat I managed and facilitated for them.

What a great dedicated group of people. Not only is there a new board, but the outgoing executive committee continues to take an active part in helping members of the new board.

With the dedication and help of all involved, the final set of recommendations I made was 15 pages long. Here’s the response I received from their Vice-President.

Thanks for your recommendations and all of your hard work. I received several positive comments on the offsite and good data was collected on the giant Post-It's. The WGBA will take several weeks to digest it all in a series of meetings as we set up our committees. Should we need additional support, we will reach out to you.

We recognize that this assignment was not an easy one and was indeed time consuming. There were a lot of individuals to meet, a lot of different perspectives to align, and many hours of prep and organization to build two fine events: the brainstorming day and the board retreat. Your dedication and drive were greatly appreciated and the results you provided will help us move forward in building the committees we will need for the next few years.
Best Regards,
Andrew [Zielinski]
On behalf of the past and present WGBA Executive Committee

Labels: , , , , ,

Negotiation and Conflict Resolution Commonalities

We tend to think of negotiation as involving many people in huge disputes (union/management or countries about to be at war for example), or sales people trying to close a big-deal. But, in truth we are in negotiation with others every day. We tend to think of Conflict Resolution as a last resort when parties are trying to avoid litigation, such as when I did custody and visit mediation, but in truth we are in conflicted situations every day. Sometimes conflict is a good thing. Sometimes in needs a third person to help resolve it.

The overlap between these two disciplines is great. Successful negotiations involve working through differences and conflict to reach a satisfactory solution. Conflict resolution has the same desirable outcome.

We negotiate in the workplace when we are trying to obtain resources, or personnel for our pet project. We resolve conflict (or at least attempt to) whenever someone comes to us complaining about something someone else did or didn’t do.

Change management is a form of both negotiation and conflict resolution. I can’t successfully implement change in any organization without first trying to deal with the fear, anger, and other reactions of people who either want the change to happen more quickly, or don’t think the change is necessary. It’s always about negotiation and conflict resolution.

Labels: , , ,

Negotiation and Conflict Resolution Commonalities

We tend to think of negotiation as involving many people in huge disputes (union/management or countries about to be at war for example), or sales people trying to close a big-deal. But, in truth we are in negotiation with others every day. We tend to think of Conflict Resolution as a last resort when parties are trying to avoid litigation, such as when I did custody and visit mediation, but in truth we are in conflicted situations every day. Sometimes conflict is a good thing. Sometimes in needs a third person to help resolve it.

The overlap between these two disciplines is great. Successful negotiations involve working through differences and conflict to reach a satisfactory solution. Conflict resolution has the same desirable outcome.

We negotiate in the workplace when we are trying to obtain resources, or personnel for our pet project. We resolve conflict (or at least attempt to) whenever someone comes to us complaining about something someone else did or didn’t do.

Change management is a form of both negotiation and conflict resolution. I can’t successfully implement change in any organization without first trying to deal with the fear, anger, and other reactions of people who either want the change to happen more quickly, or don’t think the change is necessary. It’s always about negotiation and conflict resolution.

Labels: , , ,

Learn how to Resolve Conflict in Your Workplace

Hi:
By some lucky coincidence, I will be teaching Negotiation Skills at Keller University, and Conflict in the Workplace at Stanford University – Continuing Education this summer. Stanford is letting me use my new book Conflict in the Workplace Causes and Cures as the text for the course. My Academic Dean at Keller has contacted the main office in Chicago to learn the process for my submitting the book for future courses there.

Is you are a leader, manager, HR professional or consultant – this summer session of five weeks starting Thursday evening June 23rd should be enormously useful to you. It will involve lots of interaction and lots of practice. SO, sign up now. Stanford has both minimum and maximum requirements.

All you need to do is go to: Continuingstudies@stanford.edu and look for Bus 220.

I am now working on my book: Leading and Managing in a Global Economy.

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.Albert Einstein – quoted by Lawrence Reed

Labels: , , , ,

Thursday, June 02, 2011

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Exciting-News-from-ArLyne-Diamond--Ph-D-.html?soid=1101181495264&aid=ptUrYWfHE9I