Tyranny of Pleasantness

There's a chapter in my book, Conflict in the Workplace Causes and Cures that is called "The Tyranny of Pleasantness." I mention it now, because of a disagreement with my HOA about the use of our complex Yahoo group account. I strongly believe we should be able to communiate problems with each other, and a member of the board (actually the wife of an ex-board member) calls it "complaining" and things we shouldn't do it.

But, I posted a problem I was having asking if anyone else was having it, and got about ten replies of the same problem. That means it is complex-wide (we are only 81 units) and important for the HOA to deal with. They think it is individual problems.

My message here: It is important to communicate - to express issues - not bury them because you want to "go along to get along."

Read the chapter in my book. Better yet, read the book.

Speaking Up

I received a phone call this morning from one of my neighbors who, like me, is fed up with the prison-like atmosphere being developed by our property manager and board of our HOA. She wanted to go to a board meeting and speak up, but her husband advised her "you can't change anything so why bother."

It's this attitude - that I don't count - I can't change anything - that allows the bullies and control freaks to succeed.

Speak up. Be counted. It is the only way that change can occur.

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

You'd think this was a new concept - but it is how our body of law has been created. Yet, over and over again I see examples of the presumption of guilt.

• Investigators looking only to confirm the point of view that the person alleged to have done something wrong is indeed guilty - ignoring all information that would provide an alternative point of view.
• Homeowner's associations, particularly mine, who listen to a complaint and without investigating it, send a sanctioning notice to the persoin being complained about.
• People on jury's saying "I know he is guilty, because the case wouldn't have gotten this far if he was not guilty."
• A willingness - maybe even an eagerness - to listen to bad things about others and automatically assume they are true - yet on the other hand we look for the feet of clay for anyone held up as a hero - or good guy.

When I testified in court years ago, the judges I knew tried to stay neutral. When I teach alternative dispute resolution, investigations of allegations, prevention of sexual harassment and discrimination, and other similar courses, I repeat over and over again "The Tendency is to believe the first person who comes into your office. You must resist that tendency".

Can we please go back to an American society wherein we believe person to be innocent until proven guilty - and not jump to unjustified conclusions?