Toxid People: The Rotten Apple

Do you remember the old adage:  “One rotten apple spoils the bunch”?  There is certainly much evidence that one toxic person spoils the inner-workings of the team, the department and sometimes extends as far as the division itself. 

Toxicity is like a virulent virus.

We all talk about toxicity in the workplace – but one could blame that on stress or competition – here are some examples of how toxicity affects people in social situations.

#!  You caused the hurricane 

A number of years ago, when I was still conducting group therapy sessions I took a therapy group to the Bahamas for a team-building relaxing wonderful adventure.  We chartered one of the hand-made tall sails small ships.,  It was the same ship with the same captain that I had been on with another group the summer prior to this adventure. 

We all flew to the Bahamas together and boarded the ship.  The first few days were lovely, everyone was relaxed and having a good time.  The weather was perfect, our accommodations on board were comfortable and the Captain was a great guy.

And then it hit!  The hurricane – a big one.  We had advance warning and the demand that all tourists leave the islands.  So, we helped our Captain dismantle the ship and sink it – which was the safer way of preserving it.  We charted a plane (at great expense) and were able to borrow someone’s home in Miami Beach. 

The home we borrowed belonged to the parents of one of our group.  They were away on vacation, which was fortunate for us. It was a large comfortable home – but of course many of my therapy clients were quite upset about having their trip disrupted, about the emotions having to sink this gorgeous hand-made ship created and the extra expenses of a charted plane.  In spite of being upset, tired, a little bit frightened – we all hung together. 

And then, it turned out that the hurricane followed us to Miami Beach and we had to vacate the beach.  We borrowed two cars and along with hundreds of other cars slowly made our way inland to Orlando. 

That’s when the real problems began. 

The people in the car I was in remained calm and reasonable.  We laughed and joked and sang silly songs. 

The people in the other car, however. Remained anything but calm.  One of the men was toxic.  He was hostile, slightly paranoid, and very upset about having had his vacation/adventure ruined.  He controlled the discussion in that car and by the time we arrived in Orlando he had convinced all of his car mates that I personally was to blame for causing the hurricane and the disruption. 

Everyone in this car was angry and hostile by the time we arrived in Orlando. 

This was a great experiment in what happens when you have a toxic person on a team. 

#2       Ruining the flow

Here is a milder example of what happens when you have a toxic person in a group. 

I belong to a small discussion group.  We meet weekly, but now due to the shelter at home mandate we have been meeting on Zoom.

One man – I’ll call him Adolph – frequently complains that he doesn’t have enough of an opportunity to speak.  Yet, he is one of the people who speaks the most and the most frequently.  He has a need to show-off – to be the expert and resents when any other member of the group offers some “expert” information. 

When we met in person he would frequently make ugly faces at me across the table, because he resented me and my professional background.  (He has a lot of nasty things to say about Doctors and Lawyers and other professionals.) Since most of the time we were meeting at an outdoor table affixed to a restaurant, it was relatively easy to ignore him.  BUT – once we were meeting on Zoom, his interrupting and showing off led the leader of our group to mute us all and we had to raise our hands like children to get a turn to speak.

This changed the flow of the meeting considerably.  It no longer became a discussion with a continuous thread – which is what happens when discussion is free-form.  Now, by the time one of us got our turn, the conversation had turned and what we were planning to say in relation to what someone else said three people ago was out of context. 

As you know, in a free conversation you can respond to what a speaker is saying.  In a raise your hand classroom style your question or comment is in isolation. 

I understand why the leader of our discussion group did this – but in fact – it spoiled the fun, the flow, and the easy ability to acquire new knowledge. 

SO, what’s my point in sharing these non-workplace stories with you?  To show you that toxicity (the rotten apple) can be harmful wherever it occurs, not just the workplace. 

I am planning to create another course on just dealing with toxic people in the workplace.  In the past I offered you a course in dealing with difficult people and resolving conflict.  That is a very valuable course in terms of dealing with a variety of people in the workplace or socially.  

Since it was planned as a one-hour webinar I couldn’t go into the amount of detail about toxicity in particular – but I shall in the new webinar.  Look for it in the weeks to come.