SURVIVING

Surviving

We are still sheltering at home, wearing masks and wondering how we are going to be able to work when our children are at home – and we need to care for them.

This is an unusual time in all our lives – especially if, like me, you live in California or another state that has restaurants, beauty parlors, etc., closed for now.

I just returned from spending a week in Texas.  There, except for everyone wearing masks in public, it appears that many businesses are almost – not quite – but almost doing business as usual.

Restaurants, for example are open.  During the week I was there we went out to lunch at a different restaurant  every day and out to dinner at a different restaurant every evening – some “white tablecloth” restaurants. 

We were required to wear masks entering and exiting the restaurant – and all wait staff were wearing masks.  They seated every other table to keep some distance from one group to another – but other than that it seemed very normal.

Not only did we eat out – but my friend and I indulged one afternoon in “girlie” stuff – going to a day spa and getting facials and manicures and pedicures.  She even got her hair done and had makeup applied.  Can’t do that here in California.

Silicon Valley is being very cautious – and I think that’s the right thing even though it is inconvenient.  We have a fairly dense population of people from all over the world, many of whom travel back and forth from other countries.  We are more vulnerable and more likely to make contact with someone that has the virus.

Which reminds me:  American Airlines filled every seat – including the middle seats.  That really bothered me.  No distancing at all.  BUT, we were required to wear masks.

What about the workplace?

Some of us, like me have been working from home thanks to the computer and Zoom and other similar programs.  BUT, I’ve lost all my face-to-face business because very few people really want to deal with conflict, communication, change and cultural issues on line. 

All that I have been doing on-line is:

·       interviewing people in preparation for board of directors training and strategic planning retreats – which are being conducted via zoom

·       Creating an annual on-line meeting with entertainment for the annual meeting of one of the boards on which I serve.

·       Creating and conducting on demand courses and webinars

·       Coaching some individuals

·       Contributing to conversations/discussions on meetups.

Technology is allowing me – and everyone else – to communicate with others and feel less isolated.  BUT – it will never substitute for real face-to-face contact.

I miss being able to bring groups of people together to help them communicate with each other and resolve workplace-related conflict.

I miss being able to help groups of people learn new ways of interacting, of planning, of being creative/innovative by the use of some non-verbal techniques.

I miss not going away to wonderful places to conduct corporate retreats.

Most of all:  I miss being WITH people – live.

What about you?

Are you learning new ways of working?  Are you at home trying to figure out the best way to communicate with your peers, team mates, staff etc.?

Are you trying to figure out how to parent your stay-at-home children while trying to get some work done?

Are you going to your place of business – but finding areas that are “off-limits” or no longer available?  Are you discovering the barriers between you and your fellow employees? 

What is your new-normal?

What are your challenges?

May I help you find new strategies – via zoom or email?   Just contact me.

ArLyne@DiamondAssociates.net

Managing Remotely

Managing Remotely

It happens all the time.  Your staff is working remotely and suddenly you realize you didn’t get the information you requested last week.  What do you do?

Do you immediately chastise them for not sending you the information?  NO!

Now you have to check your voice mail messages, your text messages, your personal e-mail and your office email addresses, and maybe even facebook or linkedin. 

The problem is two-fold.  One:  there are too many ways in which we communicate with each other these days.

Two:  We need to create processes (systems) with our staff so they know how to communicate with us – and what to use when.

In addition, we need to honor the system once we create it. 

There is no perfect system – but here’s my suggestion. 

First and foremost – have a code for sending/receiving e-mails. 

Red – for urgent – need your response asap

Yellow – important – today or tomorrow please

Green – this week

Blue – whenever….

I also suggest having them use cc when they don’t need a response, but just want to make sure you are being kept in the loop/

What about other tools:   IM, Video, Phone?  

IM – if your red code on the e—mail didn’t get a timely answer 

Video conferences are vitally important to help people on your teams get to know each other – and of course to help you get to know them.  They are also useful when you have brainstorming, or conflict to resolve – or anything really that requires give-and-take in a more personal and informal manner. 

Sometimes you just need to talk it out with an individual on the phone.,  This is especially true if there has been mis-communication in the e-mail exchanges.  If you need it – schedule it.  Also let your staff know that they too can use this medium if they feel that something requires a more detailed or complicated explanation or discussion.  Be sure that you allow time for these – and that your staff has permission to schedule them as they feel the need. 

I also recommend that both sides of a phone conversation take notes – and send each other their e-mail understanding of the salient points and decisions made during the phone conversation.  This takes a few minutes – but the time and aggravation it saves make it well worth it. 

Person-to-person – have we forgotten all about it?  It is by far the best way to communicate.  Not only are there words but there are facial expressions and body-language all giving us context and clues. 

It is so important to have your team members meet each other, get to know each other, and feel connected to each other.  This is the “honey” that helps build goodwill and putting in the extra effort.’

If staff is local – you can bring them together every other week.  If just a car or train ride away – maybe once a month.  If they are every where in the country, perhaps you need to be more frugal and only bring them together quarterly.  Even if they are in other countries and you can only afford to do it twice – or even once – a year, DO IT.  The rewards will be great. 

As a manager, if you can I’d strongly suggest you go to your people monthly or quarterly if you can’t do it monthly.  Again, there is nothing more valuable than face-to-face communication. 

Yes, it costs money.  Yes, it is inconvenient.  Yes, it takes time away from actually doing the work.  But if you could measure the value received against the perceived costs, you’d fine that the scales are slanted heavily in the direction of more value – much more value – than costs.

Conflict – Communication – Change

Conflict – Communication – Change

Someone asked me what I enjoyed doing most in my consulting practice – in other words what is my “sweet spot.”

I immediately replied:  Working with groups of people to resolve conflict. 

I went on to say that I was not afraid of anger or other emotions and so it was easy for me to bring people together – whether two or two-hundred – to help them air their grievances, make decisions to resolve their differences and help them communicate effectively with each other.

Together – after they get past the anger and resentment – we can make positive changes that work for both sides of the dispute.

It is so satisfying to help create these positive changes.

Goals and Premises

In order to understand the differences in points of view, we most often have to go back to the basics: 

What are the basic premises under which they are operating and what are the goals they are trying to achieve?

One story from my consulting practice:

I was shadowing the Chief Engineer in a transportation company one day, during my role as his mentor. He and I attended a meeting that was being led by an out of state consultant. Our roles were to listen – not to take over.

The out of state consultant was offering his conclusions as to where signal switches should be placed along the track for a new kind of train. He thought (for example) they should be placed at A, C L, and Q.  Another consultant (from a competing company) was saying, you are all wrong, they need to be placed at A, B D, F, and M. The two consultants went back and forth, “I’m right you’re wrong” without ever having reached an agreement.

As I listened I realized that their basic premises and eventual goals were different. The out of state consultant was suggesting switches that would enable the most speed. The local consultant knowing the terrain was suggesting switches that would create the most safety.

Each was right, given their basic premises and goals.

So, when we disagree with someone as to how they should do something, perhaps we ought to first learn what their premises are and what they want to accomplish.

Capture Your Audience

Have you seen the movie “The King’s Speech”? The would-be King had trouble speaking and sought coaching. He was given many exercises. What was the reason for the exercises given to the King? To relax him, get him away from his fears (his father’s messages), go from stiff and awkward to comfortable. All of the above.

Being a good public speaker takes practice and presence to capture the attention of your audience. 

How do you capture an audience? The following are some tips that will make your public speaking more effective – whether on stage, in a meeting, or even at home.

Tip 1: First give them the bucket into which they can put the information.

• If you tell them what you are trying to convince them of, they then can put context to your information. Without the bucket it could be just random information.
• Think of the mind as a filing cabinet – which drawer – which folder to put the information in – so that it can be retrieved later. The same is true if you are storing files in a computer.
• The bucket is the label.
• This is also the time to engage your audience and get them interested.

Tip 2: Speaking is not the same as writing – or lecturing in class 

• Less is more when you speak – make a few points and 
• Be sure to repeat them often
• Be careful not to be too dry, too “lecturee”, or they will fall asleep.
• When you are writing an article, or book your audience can go back and re-read what they have read before.  When you are speaking to them publicly they have to capture what you are saying while you are saying it.

The most powerful way to connect with other people is through face-to-face interaction.

• Public speaking lets you share experiences, teach, motivate others, and sell yourself, your product, service or idea.
• Stage actors feel differently than actors performing only in front of a camera. There is feedback from the audience and an emotional connection that can only happen when people are there in front of you.
• So, connect with your audience, not with your notes, computer or power-point.
• As a matter of fact, when I teach, not only don’t I use my computer, but I don’t let my students use it either.

Tip 3:  Be Real – Be Authentic

I once got my money back after watching a so-called famous public speaker do all sorts of phony and rehearsed gestures. He gestured in a rehearsed manner; he got down on one knee and seemingly beseeched his audience. I was turned off. True, there were some people in the audience that were enthralled with him, but I doubt any intelligent, sophisticated people were fooled.

• Nothing turns your audience off more than if they think you are being phony.
• You need to be relaxed, warm, and engaging – but in your own style
• Lady Gaga and Barbra Streisand are not the same
• Elvis Presley and Frank Sinatra were not the same
• A symphony orchestra is different from a jazz band.
• Be sure of your topic – do your research and your rehearsal, so that when you get up to speak, your audience feels comfortable that you are the expert and you are confident in what you are saying.
• Referring to your notes is OK – reading a lecture is boring, boring, boring.

Tip 4: Stories Sell

• Personalize it – give them stories that enable them to “SEE” what you are saying
• Anecdotes – vignettes – all help
• Great quotations from others are really good
• Know your audience before picking your stories – you want to be sure that what you tell them relates to who they are and what they want to learn.

Tip 5: Be humorous – but don’t tell jokes or use jargon.

• A slight amount of self-deprecating humor builds rapport – don’t overdo it
• If one or more of your stories is humorous, good.
• Unless you are a professional at joke-telling, you will probably not tell your joke well and might offend members of your audience. You are much better off not telling jokes.
  
  “Feed the kitty” – I once shocked an audience because when teaching them about the importance of understanding other cultures, I told them the story about a group of design engineers who met often but couldn’t get one of their members to speak at those meetings.
  
  This man was intelligent, creative, interesting and had good ideas when writing or in a one-on-one, but because of the social expectations of the culture in which he was raised, he could not speak in a manner that might disagree with others in a meeting. Instead of understanding his culture, they created a penalty for those who didn’t speak in meetings.  They mandated that $1.00 be placed “in the kitty” for every 15 minutes of silence.
  
  Members of my audience, from other countries, really thought I was saying to put money into a live kitten.

Tip 6: Power point is not your crutch

• Don’t use it unless you truly have visuals to offer (pictures/graphs)
• Less is more – don’t overdo it
• Never talk to your power-point – you will lose your audience.
  
  How many times have you seen someone either read their power point from their computer, and/or actually turn their back on their audience to read from the screen itself?
  
  The only exception – when you have an audience where most of the members do not speak the same language as you – and you are offering this as a way of them actually understanding your words. I once gave a speech to a group of Taiwanese Engineers.  As I looked out at my audience, I realized that my language and theirs was so vastly different that I should have used a power point to make it easier for them to understand me.
• Don’t let your Power Point be your Crutch.
  I remember being at a conference where a CEO was scheduled to speak. He had difficulties with his computer and wasted 15 minutes trying to get it to work.  In the end, he adlibbed and was much more interesting than if he had used the power point prepared for him by his staff.

Tip 7: Image and Body Language Count

• Only Steve Jobs can get away with jeans
• Dress professionally – look at news & weather reports for ideas
• Be clean, neat, comfortable – and able to forget what you are wearing.
• Be your most professional self – not your most stiff and don’t wear something that you will later be embarrassed or uncomfortable about.
• Be fluid and flexible in your movements; be careful not to appear jerky. Stiff and awkward hand gestures – just because someone told you to use hand gestures don’t work. Again, that’s why it is so important to be relaxed and natural.
• This means lots of practice in situations that are less important to you – so that when you do have the opportunity to get before an audience, you are comfortable with public speaking.
• Don’t get in the way of your power point or slides if you are using them. You don’t want your audience to have to move to the side in order to see around you.
• Better to stand than to sit – unless the audience is small or you are injured.
  I was speaking publicly shortly after having been in an automobile accident.  I was using the podium as a crutch, leaning against it because I was in too much pain to stand freely. The speech was taped and was part of a series submitted to a Speaker’s Bureau.  I was dinged because instead of being out in front with my audience, I was “hiding” behind the podium.

Never forget why you are there to speak

My messages to you today is to help you “Capture Your Audience” and  give you a series of tips to make your public speaking on stage, in meetings, and at home more effective.

What were those tips?

• First give them a bucket into which they hear and save the information.
• Speaking is not the same as writing. When speaking less is more and you need to repeat your message in different ways.
• Be real – be yourself – but your relaxed and confident self.
• Stories sell – but they need to be relevant to your topic and to your audience.
• Don’t tell jokes (unless you are a professional comedian) or use jargon
• Don’t use Power Point unless there is real value in graphics or when talking with an audience whose language is different from your own.
• Finally, image and body language count. Be your best self, not your laziest one.

Is Delegating Worth the Effort?

In almost all classes on management training as well as those about time management, we are taught the importance of delegating. Indeed, it’s something I harp on over and over again in my workshops, training, and MBA graduate classes.

Yet, some weeks are harder than others. It has made me think that sometimes doing it my self is faster and easier. Ever have that feeling?  I bet you have!

Let me share with you some of what I have recently had to deal with. They include work, home, and some volunteer work.

Work

My Administrative Assistant

My administrative assistant is a lovely young woman with a great personality. She is always pleasant and willing to do any assigned task. Yet, over and over again I find that she pretends to know things she doesn’t know. Too, she is not nearly as careful as I need her to be. The latest in a series of frustrations for me:

• Filing in the wrong files
• Filing not even in file folders, but loose in the drawer
• Making a list of what’s in the file drawer – which does not need to be done.
• Mixing up documents to be filed with my basket of work to do – and I think she filed some documents requiring work on my part that I may never find again.
• Leaving half finished work lying about – for me to put away.
• Not writing down – or remembering instructions about how to complete a very important document, which needed to be done perfectly – thereby ruining 40 pages of work which had to be redone – because she didn’t save the prior draft.

Who’s at fault here? Probably ME. I teach a funnel theory of management, and yet I made the assumption that she was smarter, neater, and more careful than I am finding her to be.

• I need to micro-manage more. 
• I need to be slower and provide her with much more detailed information. 
• I need to give her only one thing to do at a time, rather than a whole day’s worth of projects.
• I need to point out (gently of course) things she left lying about, and ask her to put them away before she leaves. 

Of course, all of these require me to pay attention rather than being focused exclusively on what I’m doing.

My Computer (IT) expert

We are in the process of migrating my programs and files from my old computer to a new one – and the new one is not compatible with much of what the old one is attached to. So almost daily I hear these woeful stories of how this won’t work and that won’t work and how hard it is to do this, that or the other thing.

I want to scream. “Go away.” “Just do it.” “Leave me to do the work I need to do.”

I’m also told that I need to buy a new this that or the other thing – at hundreds of dollars of expense. 

Now, being a woman, where would I rather spend my money? On purchasing computer equipment or clothing and jewelry? You guessed it.

So, is it his fault for telling me all this, or my fault? Probably ME

• I need to realize that his thinking style (he’s an IT guy) is vastly different from mine. I’m a soft-skill expert with a background in Psychology.
• I need to realize that he thinks it is helpful and useful to share these details with me, whereas they seem like minute and uninteresting pieces of information to me.
• He needs social time and recognition and these pronouncements are his way of trying to obtain both from me.

So, what do I need to do?  Remember that people are different and because of the differences in thinking styles, I, as a manager, need patience and tolerance.

Volunteer Work

OK, maybe I expect too much of others. I am doing volunteer work at a facility with Alzheimer’s patients. I have a lot of materials I use with them that are meant to be exclusively for my project with them – which is to help them watercolor (which by the way is a lovely things to do with them). Each time I go to the cupboard where my materials are kept, I find others have been there and messed things up.

I can tell in a variety of ways – things have been re-arranged. Paintbrushes have not been cleaned, nor placed in their proper receptacle. Papers have been shuffled about.

When I ask the staff, they tell me that no one has been in the cabinet so “I don’t know” must have made the mess. 

Since this is not my facility, I have little or no control about the matter. I cannot ask that the cabinet be locked because others use it for other reasons. I cannot demand that the materials be kept the way I want them, because not only am I a volunteer, but they pay for the materials.

So, I have to live with it. I have to change my expectations and not be so critical about neatness, carefulness, etc. Again, whose fault is the problem, you guessed it, probably ME.

Our expectations of how things should be done, or should look, or be kept are what frame our emotional responses to how we find things. Changing our expectations will change our reactions. So, what do I have to do?

• I need to understand that this is an open cabinet and like it or not others use it.
• I need to recognize that we are working with materials that are replaceable – these are not priceless works of art.
• I need to lighten up and go with the flow.

So often we react to things from an unreasonable set of expectations, and by revising those expectations, our reactions will become more benign.

Home

My Handyman

I am not handy. Nor am I a willing gardener. I found the perfect man to do all of these little tasks for me. He comes to my home twice a month or so, takes care of my patio, and anything I need fixing in the house. He’s wonderful and can do anything I ask of him.

So, you may ask, what’s the problem here? Do you just like to complain?

The problem is silly and simple. He uses my tools and sometimes doesn’t put them back in the proper place. When I need a screwdriver I have to search for it since it might be out on the patio, or might be in the garage on the table, but it belongs in a particular drawer in the toolbox.

So, whose problem is it? Yup, mine again!

• I need to ask him to be more careful and to replace things where they belong.
• I need to lighten up and not get frustrated over the little things.

Delegating, delegating, delegating. In this case, I can’t even do some of these things myself – so I need to learn to be grateful to those who can do what I can’t do easily.

How does this relate to those who work for you in your organization?

My Housekeeper

My housekeeper has cleaned for me for many years – possibly even over ten years. She is reliable, honest, decent, and totally trustworthy. She also over-reacts to small things. For example, if she accidentally chips or breaks something absolutely of little or no value, she apologizes as though it were a priceless piece of crystal.

But, when she cleans, she moves things. Not only does she move all the knickknacks to the back of the table or chest on which I’d neatly arranged them, she moves things from right to left when she cleans. When I go to find something, it is not in the place in which I left it for my convenience or aesthetic sense. It drives me nuts.

Sometimes I laughingly and lightly point this out to her – and she laughs in return, but never changes her behavior. So, whose problem is it? Probably ME.

• I need to tell her that this matters to me by being direct and congruent.
• I need to stop giving her mixed messages by joking and being light about it.
• I need to show her where I want things placed.
• I need to remind her when they are re-arranged.

Unfortunately, I’m rarely home when she cleans, and leaving a note around just does not convey the right attitude.

Other women with whom I speak don’t have housekeepers because of similar frustrations.  BUT, I believe in delegating. As frustrating as this is – and believe me it is – I’d rather spend the ten or fifteen minutes re-arranging things to my satisfaction that have to spend the three or more hours cleaning the house.

How do all of these apply to you as a manager?

It’s so easy to blame the other person for what we perceive as shortcomings. Yet, we as managers need to take more responsibility for:

• How we communicate what we want from our staff
• Who we hire to do a particular task and how we train them
• Learning how they learn and understand and coaching them accordingly
• How we hold people accountable, not just at the beginning, but during the life of their working for us.
• Our own over-reactions “don’t sweat the small stuff” as they say.

I conclude by reminding us all – you and me – that if you don’t delegate and you do it all yourself, you will never have the time to do the more exciting, interesting, and creative elements of your job. The more you can delegate, the freer your time to grow professionally yourself.

So, in answer to my own question: Yes, delegate, but do it wisely.

Is Delegating Worth the Effort?

In almost all classes on management training as well as those about time management, we are taught the importance of delegating. Indeed, it’s something I harp on over and over again in my workshops, training, and MBA graduate classes.

Yet, some weeks are harder than others. It has made me think that sometimes doing it my self is faster and easier. Ever have that feeling?  I bet you have!

Let me share with you some of what I have recently had to deal with. They include work, home, and some volunteer work.

Work

My Administrative Assistant

My administrative assistant is a lovely young woman with a great personality. She is always pleasant and willing to do any assigned task. Yet, over and over again I find that she pretends to know things she doesn’t know. Too, she is not nearly as careful as I need her to be. The latest in a series of frustrations for me:

• Filing in the wrong files
• Filing not even in file folders, but loose in the drawer
• Making a list of what’s in the file drawer – which does not need to be done.
• Mixing up documents to be filed with my basket of work to do – and I think she filed some documents requiring work on my part that I may never find again.
• Leaving half finished work lying about – for me to put away.
• Not writing down – or remembering instructions about how to complete a very important document, which needed to be done perfectly – thereby ruining 40 pages of work which had to be redone – because she didn’t save the prior draft.

Who’s at fault here? Probably ME. I teach a funnel theory of management, and yet I made the assumption that she was smarter, neater, and more careful than I am finding her to be.

• I need to micro-manage more. 
• I need to be slower and provide her with much more detailed information. 
• I need to give her only one thing to do at a time, rather than a whole day’s worth of projects.
• I need to point out (gently of course) things she left lying about, and ask her to put them away before she leaves. 

Of course, all of these require me to pay attention rather than being focused exclusively on what I’m doing.

My Computer (IT) expert

We are in the process of migrating my programs and files from my old computer to a new one – and the new one is not compatible with much of what the old one is attached to. So almost daily I hear these woeful stories of how this won’t work and that won’t work and how hard it is to do this, that or the other thing.

I want to scream. “Go away.” “Just do it.” “Leave me to do the work I need to do.”

I’m also told that I need to buy a new this that or the other thing – at hundreds of dollars of expense. 

Now, being a woman, where would I rather spend my money? On purchasing computer equipment or clothing and jewelry? You guessed it.

So, is it his fault for telling me all this, or my fault? Probably ME

• I need to realize that his thinking style (he’s an IT guy) is vastly different from mine. I’m a soft-skill expert with a background in Psychology.
• I need to realize that he thinks it is helpful and useful to share these details with me, whereas they seem like minute and uninteresting pieces of information to me.
• He needs social time and recognition and these pronouncements are his way of trying to obtain both from me.

So, what do I need to do?  Remember that people are different and because of the differences in thinking styles, I, as a manager, need patience and tolerance.

Volunteer Work

OK, maybe I expect too much of others. I am doing volunteer work at a facility with Alzheimer’s patients. I have a lot of materials I use with them that are meant to be exclusively for my project with them – which is to help them watercolor (which by the way is a lovely things to do with them). Each time I go to the cupboard where my materials are kept, I find others have been there and messed things up.

I can tell in a variety of ways – things have been re-arranged. Paintbrushes have not been cleaned, nor placed in their proper receptacle. Papers have been shuffled about.

When I ask the staff, they tell me that no one has been in the cabinet so “I don’t know” must have made the mess. 

Since this is not my facility, I have little or no control about the matter. I cannot ask that the cabinet be locked because others use it for other reasons. I cannot demand that the materials be kept the way I want them, because not only am I a volunteer, but they pay for the materials.

So, I have to live with it. I have to change my expectations and not be so critical about neatness, carefulness, etc. Again, whose fault is the problem, you guessed it, probably ME.

Our expectations of how things should be done, or should look, or be kept are what frame our emotional responses to how we find things. Changing our expectations will change our reactions. So, what do I have to do?

• I need to understand that this is an open cabinet and like it or not others use it.
• I need to recognize that we are working with materials that are replaceable – these are not priceless works of art.
• I need to lighten up and go with the flow.

So often we react to things from an unreasonable set of expectations, and by revising those expectations, our reactions will become more benign.

Home

My Handyman

I am not handy. Nor am I a willing gardener. I found the perfect man to do all of these little tasks for me. He comes to my home twice a month or so, takes care of my patio, and anything I need fixing in the house. He’s wonderful and can do anything I ask of him.

So, you may ask, what’s the problem here? Do you just like to complain?

The problem is silly and simple. He uses my tools and sometimes doesn’t put them back in the proper place. When I need a screwdriver I have to search for it since it might be out on the patio, or might be in the garage on the table, but it belongs in a particular drawer in the toolbox.

So, whose problem is it? Yup, mine again!

• I need to ask him to be more careful and to replace things where they belong.
• I need to lighten up and not get frustrated over the little things.

Delegating, delegating, delegating. In this case, I can’t even do some of these things myself – so I need to learn to be grateful to those who can do what I can’t do easily.

How does this relate to those who work for you in your organization?

My Housekeeper

My housekeeper has cleaned for me for many years – possibly even over ten years. She is reliable, honest, decent, and totally trustworthy. She also over-reacts to small things. For example, if she accidentally chips or breaks something absolutely of little or no value, she apologizes as though it were a priceless piece of crystal.

But, when she cleans, she moves things. Not only does she move all the knickknacks to the back of the table or chest on which I’d neatly arranged them, she moves things from right to left when she cleans. When I go to find something, it is not in the place in which I left it for my convenience or aesthetic sense. It drives me nuts.

Sometimes I laughingly and lightly point this out to her – and she laughs in return, but never changes her behavior. So, whose problem is it? Probably ME.

• I need to tell her that this matters to me by being direct and congruent.
• I need to stop giving her mixed messages by joking and being light about it.
• I need to show her where I want things placed.
• I need to remind her when they are re-arranged.

Unfortunately, I’m rarely home when she cleans, and leaving a note around just does not convey the right attitude.

Other women with whom I speak don’t have housekeepers because of similar frustrations.  BUT, I believe in delegating. As frustrating as this is – and believe me it is – I’d rather spend the ten or fifteen minutes re-arranging things to my satisfaction that have to spend the three or more hours cleaning the house.

How do all of these apply to you as a manager?

It’s so easy to blame the other person for what we perceive as shortcomings. Yet, we as managers need to take more responsibility for:

• How we communicate what we want from our staff
• Who we hire to do a particular task and how we train them
• Learning how they learn and understand and coaching them accordingly
• How we hold people accountable, not just at the beginning, but during the life of their working for us.
• Our own over-reactions “don’t sweat the small stuff” as they say.

I conclude by reminding us all – you and me – that if you don’t delegate and you do it all yourself, you will never have the time to do the more exciting, interesting, and creative elements of your job. The more you can delegate, the freer your time to grow professionally yourself.

So, in answer to my own question: Yes, delegate, but do it wisely.

Ugly Duckling or Unicorn?

The Wall St. Journal published an article recently about the lack of non-politically liberal faculty in our colleges and universities. In the article some Professors were quoted as saying they felt like Unicorns - and others admitted to lying and hiding their political points of view in order to maintain their status.

I like the phrase Unicorn - it sounds so much better than Ugly Duckling. Yet, whatever you term it; it is exceedingly difficult to be the only one in the crowd that thinks the way you do.

I've been both. I grew up as the Ugly Duckling - a tall, skinny, Jewish redhead in a neighborhood where all the girls were shorter, dark haired and had darker complexions. I didn't look Jewish and as a young child experienced discrimination because I was different.

I've been different too in how I treated people as a teenage girl. Unlike my contemporaries who seemed to get great pleasure in ridiculing and humiliating those less popular than themselves, I never felt that need and it bothered me to witness the verbal brutality. I often lashed out against it - and so I looked and acted weird.

We all want to feel as though we belong, as though we are a welcome part of the group.  Yet, all too often some of us are the lonely voice in the crowd. We get punished for it.

Yet, to not speak out, to not be who you are and share your beliefs, does far more psychological damage to yourself than if you are the lone voice - the Ugly Duckling or the Unicorn.

So, I say be who you really are - and be proud to be a Unicorn. Also, remember, the Ugly Duckling turned into a beautiful swan.

Self-Defeating Chip on the Shoulder

I met this brilliant and very attractive young woman the other evening, who unfortunately has such a chip on her shoulder that she completely detracts from her assets.

For example: Nice face, nice hair and lovely figure - ruined by bizarre overly made up too colorful makeup, hair streaked in blue, red, and green, and clothing designed to offend rather than attract.

There were a group of us together who share basic values - philosophical - political. One of the men was sharing his views about patent law, and I was interested in listening. This young woman kept interrupting the conversation to tell him he was wrong and very belligerently and repeatedly share her views on the subject. A few times I asked her to just listen since I really was trying to learn his position - but her mouth kept going and her brain and ears heard nothing.

This same young woman, who I suspect is very talented and capable - can't get a decent job. Her anger against "the system" gives her the excuse for why she can't find a job. Frankly, I think it's her appearance and style of communication.

Too bad: Personality, appearance, respect for the opinions of others, and stle of communicating are critically important in how we are evaluated by others.

I do hope she checks out this blog.

Change Project Completed at Willow Glen Downtown Association

Speaking of negotiation, conflict resolution and change management, I just spent the last three months working with about 25 of the most interesting and dedicated people who are staff, board members, and committee members of the Willow Glen Downtown Association. We worked together to improve staff/committee relations, committee/board relations, communication, conflict among people with different priorities, and training and integration of the new incoming board.

Ultimately we created a half day visioning mini-charette inviting the 300+ members of their association to come and share their desires and needs for the future. We used the enormous amount of data obtained at that event to create the strategic plan for the future. The draft strategic plan was developed at the Board Retreat I managed and facilitated for them.

What a great dedicated group of people. Not only is there a new board, but the outgoing executive committee continues to take an active part in helping members of the new board.

With the dedication and help of all involved, the final set of recommendations I made was 15 pages long. Here’s the response I received from their Vice-President.

Thanks for your recommendations and all of your hard work. I received several positive comments on the offsite and good data was collected on the giant Post-It's. The WGBA will take several weeks to digest it all in a series of meetings as we set up our committees. Should we need additional support, we will reach out to you.

We recognize that this assignment was not an easy one and was indeed time consuming. There were a lot of individuals to meet, a lot of different perspectives to align, and many hours of prep and organization to build two fine events: the brainstorming day and the board retreat. Your dedication and drive were greatly appreciated and the results you provided will help us move forward in building the committees we will need for the next few years.
Best Regards,
Andrew [Zielinski]
On behalf of the past and present WGBA Executive Committee

Working with or working at?

Management styles are fascinating. I work with two individuals who stylistically are so different. The first, we'll call him Nick works with you. By that I mean he sits down with you and shares his thinking, asks for your opinion and together you work out a plan of attack that works for him, the organization and me. The second, who I'll nickname Marvin does the opposite. He makes decisions that involve your time and other commitments and tries to force them on you. His way or the highway is how it feels to me.

In another organization, I am faced with a woman manager who thinks she is Queen Bee. She doesn't bother to communicate with us peasants, merely issues edicts. Since I am a volunteer in this organization, I might just quit - unless something changes. I've talked with her boss and am playing a waiting game.

Leadership and management to be successful over the long haul needs to include respect, courtesy, and cooperation. The old authoritarian style just pisses people off and causes a lack of trust. People quit. they don't respond well to being talked at or ignored. They want to be talked with....