Congress pays its own settlements

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  Weeee……….

Guess what?

Members of Congress will have to cover the costs of sexual harassment and retaliation claims out of their own pocket.  Up until now they were paid through a special taxpayer funded account.

They also opted to make the entire reporting and handling processes simpler and more transparent.

The power of women in office.   The power of #MeToo Movement

A Compliment or Harassment?

I visited friends for Thanksgiving Dinner.  My friend’s granddaughter, a gorgeous redhead in her early twenties and a recent college graduate and I were talking. 

I mentioned having just completed an on-demand course for Illumeo (see www.Illumeo.com) called “Don’t be a Victim:  Say No and have it honored” and told her a story I’d told in the course.

I too am a redhead – although significantly older than this young woman – but I too was young once and had all kinds of rude and lewd compliments and invitations thrown at me.  My father (a wonderful wise man) suggested that instead of getting insulted I take them as a compliment, smile, say thank you and move on.  A woman, he told me was like a work of art in a museum, men would look and some would comment, but they do not have the right to touch or take.  You, he said own your boy and only you can decide with whom you choose to share it.

That piece of advice has been enormously helpful to me – but this young women’s reaction was quite different.

She and her generation are determined to re-train boys and men so that they never say lewd and rude things again.

Yeah, that’s a good idea for their parents – but if an attractive young woman is walking down the street and some guys cat-call her shouldn’t she smile and walk on – or should she stop and give them a lecture on appropriate social behavior?

Me, I’d play it safe.

Anti-social not disabled

Priests, Teachers, Doctors, and other professionals – all taking advantage of their position of power to abuse young girls and boys.  It’s horrible.  It’s hard to imagine.  It’s real! 

We call them perverts – but that assumes they have some emotional – psychological or intellectual disability.  Most of them don’t.  They just have shut off their conscience – the “Jiminy Cricket” in their brain (reticular activating formation) that tells them that this is unacceptable, immoral and unethical behavior. 

Don’t make the mistake of forgiving them for being disabled.  At other times, in other cultures it was a natural part of the behavior of men towards young boys and girls.  They say that of the Ancient Greeks and of people from many Asian countries.

As we have evolved socially – ethically all modern societies have laws and codes of behavior precluding taking advantage of young girls and boys.  We – all over the world – have decided this is BAD.  So, don’t do it!

Some people think their own needs/wants supersedes the code of morality of their culture. They are above the law they think.  And so they mis-behave in what most of us consider heinous ways.

Thank You #METOO for putting a stop to these behaviors.  Thank You for lifting the carpet and exposing the rats residing underneath them.  Thank You for letting boys and girls all over the world know they can say NO and get out of a situation in which they are about to be misused. 

But, I have to say again as a warning – let’s keep some balance here – let’s not automatically assume guilt anytime – everytime someone shouts harassment. 

Training is critical – for adults and children – and it should be friendly, interactive, role-playing and lots of q&a….. Let people explore and learn together.

The Good The Bad and the Ugly

The Good The Bad and The Ugly
by
ArLyne Diamond, Ph.D.

#MeToo is doing an enormous amount of good in highlighting what had been on-going and unreported abusive behavior.  No longer will management upon getting a complaint get away with saying “boys will be boys” and “just suck it up.”  No longer will young girls be abused – indeed raped – by those they were taught to trust and respect.  That’s the good.

The Bad – the pendulum has swung too far and every tiny little piece of silliness is being equated with serious abuse and they are all being lumped into one category.  People’s jobs and reputations are being ruined.  Too, we are minimizing the seriousness of serious abuse by lumping clumsy attempts at friendliness or teasing in with them.

The Ugly – this accusation has become a political weapon.  All you have to do is accuse someone and they lose their political clout (and votes) whether running for office or a member of the management team in a company or government office.  We no longer presume innocent until proven guilty.  The accused is painted with the Scarlet Letter.

Hot House Flowers

Are we going too far?  Will all our demands for safety backfire?   The latest that concerns me greatly is the rejection of working in open spaces as being equivalent to being seen at a nude beach.   I think that is ridiculous and over-kill.

Have we become hot house flowers - so weak and vulnerable that we need all this special protection?   Will we be wearing burkas next (no disrespect intended  to those who are more comfortable in burkas)   By that I mean, do we need to start hiding to feel safe?

We fought so hard for equality.  Why are we fighting now to be coddled?

Timing is eveything

Last night at the City Council meeting I found myself having mixed thoughts and mixed emotions.  I was emphatic and proud of the young women who came forward to complain that they felt uncomfortable because of Dominic Casserta's unwanted attention towards them.  Proved to me, whether I liked it or not, that Dom was a sleezy jerk.

Yet, I was also bothered because as the night progressed the words used to describe him and his behavior became more and more extreme.  He went from being a jerk to being bully (fair enough) to being a predator (not so sure) to being a pedophile (not so!.)

I found myself thinking this is an example of mob psychology - the emotions and rhetoric builds on itself and becomes nastier and nastier - angrier and angrier.  in another era this would have built itself to a lynching mob.  Good thing we are at least somewhat more civilized - and of course, we had our police there.

I also found myself having mixed emotions about the role of our Mayor and City Council members.  On the one hand I applauded them for taking the time and trouble to bring this to light and to allow so many people to express their feelings.  I could see how touched our City Council members were as they listened.

Yet, the cynic in me couldn't help wondering about the timing.  Dom has taken unpopular positions on the council and there are those who would have liked to see him gone - having nothing to do with the accusations.  Was this a set up?   Did our Mayor and her team find people they knew who had made complaints years ago bring them up again?

Too Dom is running for County Supervisor.  So too is another man I know - and he too is now being vilified for harassment behaviors that were alleged to have happened years ago.

Why now?  Has the #MeToo movement reminded people of events from long ago and given them the helping hand to be strong and come forward now.  YES, a resounding YES.

BUT, I can't help but wonder at the timing.  Has the movement also made it all too convenient for those running for office to be destroyed by their opponents?

Should harassment be treated the same as abuse?

I abhor sexual abuse - or abuse of any kind for that matter.  I am delighted that #MeToo has brought out so many people (mostly women - but some men) to tell about what happened to them YEARS AGO and some recently.

BUT to ruin lives about some stupid remark, or awkward requests for dates doesn't seem fair at all.

I find it particularly obnoxious that now that we are in an election cycle so many people (mostly men) runnint for office are being accused publicly of alleged behavior that happened so many years ago.

Rape - violence - abuse - should be prosecuted without a statute of limits.  Harassment - meaning annoying, irritating and often stupid behavior should have a statute of limitations.  Either you report it formerly within six months or it can't be made public..... That's the only fair way to apply due process to what would be  an infraction or misdemeanor at most.

YES, let's stop harassment, abuse, rape forever.   But how far back are you willing to go to ruin someone's reputation, profession and possibly life because of some stupid inappropriate behavior that happened more than 10 years ago. 

Should we be treating these stupid harassing behaviors the same as violence, abuse, rape?

Political Weapons

Two men I know are running for County offices.  Actually they are running for the same office.  Both have JUST been accused of several counts of sexual harassment that allegedly happened years ago.

Why now?  Who is behind this?  Who else is running for that same office?

I've been worried about things like this and have been warning clients and friends alike to be super-careful.  With all the good the #Metoo movement is doing - there is also the danger of using accusations as weapons to get rid of people we don't want in office.

I don't know the truth in either of these situations.  BUT I am very wary of the timing of the accusations.

Has the public declarations of so many other women reminded these women in particular of what either of these two men allegedly did to them?   Are these greatly exaggerated claims to ruin the political reputations of two men running for office?

Why now?

#MeToo could become #YouToo

It is shocking to learn how many companies are still avoiding offering training in proper workplace behavior (alias:  Preventing Harassment , Discrimination and Bullying in the Workplace.)

Others, onl;y thinking about the cheapest and easiest are providing the basic on-line training complimenting themselves on being in compliance.

Sure, you may be in compliance, but the research has shown that poor to mediocre training doesn't make any change.  If you want to really change attitudes and behavior you must provide opportunities for discussion, Q&A and role-playing.  This can only be accomplished with face-to-face training.

My clients report having far greater understanding  of why behavior that they thought was OK was actually found to be offensive by others.

So - do you want a lawsuit?  Do you want to have to fire someone who misbehaved?  What bout you losing your job and reputation - it has happened to prominent CEOS.....