The Importance of Emotional
Intelligence
By
ArLyne Diamond, Ph.D.
I’ve been consulting here in Silicon Valley and other parts
of the country – indeed other parts of the world for over 30 years.
What do I find?
C-level leaders tell me that they have great difficulty promoting their
talented people into management – because they lack “soft skills.” Translation – they have poor social skills
and are low on EQ.
Much of the work I do – although it always has other names –
such as management training, communication skills, conflict resolution, etc. –
is really about helping people improve their ability to “walk in another man’s
shoes.” Sensitivity to others.
It’s also about noticing the social clues. If more brilliant technical people had these
skills, we would have far fewer complaints of sexual harassment. Why?
Because most of what we call harassment (to irritate or annoy) comes
from awkward and mis-guided attempts to be friendly. I hasten to add, I am not referring to abuse
or bullying, but those behaviors that some men find “cute” and most women
dislike.
So, what is emotional intelligence?
Let’s start with a definition of emotion. Dr. Nathaniel Branden described an emotion as
“an instantaneous psycho- somatic
response to a value judgment.” That
means, your mind and body are connected and you have a reaction immediately to
a stimulus based on your prior experience with that stimulus or similar
ones.
Let me give you an example of what I mean:
A police officer walks into the room. What’s your immediate reaction?
- ·
If he is your husband coming to pick you up
after work, you would have a pleasant reaction.
- ·
If you had recently reported an expensive piece
of jewelry as stolen, you might have a positive anticipatory reaction thinking
he was coming to tell you your jewelry was found.
- ·
On the other hand, if you were the thief, you
would experience fear wondering if he had come to arrest you.
See what I mean? Same
stimulus – different reactions based on past experience.
OK – that’s emotion.
What’s emotional intelligence or EQ?
It is your responses to a test that measures several factors, including
how you understand yourself as well as how you understand and respond to
others.
One measurement device from Multi-Health Systems, Inc.
offers an instrument they call EQ-I. (I am certified in this instrument.) It measures:
·
Self-Perception Composite
o
Self-Regard
o
Self-Actualization
o
Emotional Self-Awareness
Self-Expression Composite
o
Emotional Expression
o
Assertiveness
o
Independence
Interpersonal Composite
o
Interpersonal Relationships
o
Empathy
o
Social Responsibility
Decision Making Composite
o
Problem-Solving
o
Reality Testing
o
Impulse Control
Stress Management Composite
o
Flexibility
o
Stress Tolerance
o
Optimism
In his handout for Leadership, Dr. Raley Nadler the CEO of
True North Leadership quoting Cherniss and Coleman) states: “Emotional Intelligence affects the quality
of relationships and emerges through relationships.”
You cannot successfully manage and motivate the best in
others if you don’t try to understand them and interact with them accordingly.
Labels: emotional intelligence, EQ, Management and Collaboration Styles