Emotional Intelligence needed to Manage others

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence
By
ArLyne Diamond, Ph.D.

I’ve been consulting here in Silicon Valley and other parts of the country – indeed other parts of the world for over 30 years.

What do I find?  C-level leaders tell me that they have great difficulty promoting their talented people into management – because they lack “soft skills.”   Translation – they have poor social skills and are low on EQ.

Much of the work I do – although it always has other names – such as management training, communication skills, conflict resolution, etc. – is really about helping people improve their ability to “walk in another man’s shoes.”  Sensitivity to others.

It’s also about noticing the social clues.  If more brilliant technical people had these skills, we would have far fewer complaints of sexual harassment.  Why?  Because most of what we call harassment (to irritate or annoy) comes from awkward and mis-guided attempts to be friendly.  I hasten to add, I am not referring to abuse or bullying, but those behaviors that some men find “cute” and most women dislike.

So, what is emotional intelligence?

Let’s start with a definition of emotion.  Dr. Nathaniel Branden described an emotion as “an instantaneous psycho- somatic response to a value judgment.”   That means, your mind and body are connected and you have a reaction immediately to a stimulus based on your prior experience with that stimulus or similar ones. 

Let me give you an example of what I mean:

A police officer walks into the room.   What’s your immediate reaction?

• ·       If he is your husband coming to pick you up after work, you would have a pleasant reaction. 
• ·       If you had recently reported an expensive piece of jewelry as stolen, you might have a positive anticipatory reaction thinking he was coming to tell you your jewelry was found.
• ·       On the other hand, if you were the thief, you would experience fear wondering if he had come to arrest you.

See what I mean?  Same stimulus – different reactions based on past experience.

OK – that’s emotion.  What’s emotional intelligence or EQ?   It is your responses to a test that measures several factors, including how you understand yourself as well as how you understand and respond to others. 

One measurement device from Multi-Health Systems, Inc. offers an instrument they call EQ-I. (I am certified in this instrument.)  It measures:

·       Self-Perception Composite

o   Self-Regard

o   Self-Actualization

o   Emotional Self-Awareness

Self-Expression Composite

o   Emotional Expression

o   Assertiveness

o   Independence

Interpersonal Composite

o   Interpersonal Relationships

o   Empathy

o   Social Responsibility

Decision Making Composite

o   Problem-Solving

o   Reality Testing

o   Impulse Control

Stress Management Composite

o   Flexibility

o   Stress Tolerance

o   Optimism

In his handout for Leadership, Dr. Raley Nadler the CEO of True North Leadership quoting Cherniss and Coleman) states:   “Emotional Intelligence affects the quality of relationships and emerges through relationships.”

You cannot successfully manage and motivate the best in others if you don’t try to understand them and interact with them accordingly.